When a Poe isn’t.

I stated very early on that it wasn’t my sole intent to make this blog a constant source of fundamentalist ridicule. I hold to that (see my post on Tardigrades) but being as the bigfoot scandal is over, the raelians are quiet and scientologists haven’t tried to kill anyone in a while…I’m at a loss. Some fairly interesting stuff happened in the Olympics this week but I imagine you’re just as sick of hearing about Phelps (not fred) as I am. That aside, and in my own defense, some of this stuff is just impossible to ignore.

Before I jump head-first into the merde de jour I feel the need to make sure we’re all familiar with the term “Poe’s Law” and what it means when someone ‘calls a Poe’.

Poe’s Law relates to fundamentalism, and the difficulty of identifying actual parodies of it. It suggests that, in general, it is hard to tell fake fundamentalism from the real thing, since they both sound equally ridiculous. The law also works in reverse: real fundamentalism can also be indistinguishable from parody fundamentalism.

In short, someone ‘calling a Poe’ is more or less saying the subject at hand is a joke. It can be hard to tell, especially with a finely tuned sense of skepticisim. Take for example the Landover Baptist Church. While a well known parody to many, the borderline insanity of it all doesn’t fall far from one of my favorites, WorldNetDaily. WND = real, Landover Baptist = Poe.

Sometimes, just sometimes, failed fundie rants can be so batshit insane that they actually lap themselves and accelerate outside both Poe and reality (click the diagram to the right for a visual representation). Insane becomes a compliment at this point but as english fails to give me a better word, I’m going to use it. Until now the only verifiable case of this phenomenon, in my mind, was the Westboro Baptist Church and possibly the Catholic league…

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Creation Science Association for Middle-America.

At first glance it appears to be a run of the mill fundie [junk] science website, complete with bible quotes, ads for terrible books and a newsletter…ahhh, yes, the newsletter. That’s where things go from run of the mill to  stupidly insane with these folks. At least one commentor on Pharyngula claims to have reported this to the FBI so I’ve linked the PDF at both the original source and here on my site, in the terribly off chance it vanishes. I highly encourage you to read this as it’s only 2 pages (the last two are ads and coupons) and quite insightful.

Right from the start this thing screams “POE!” with the title “Should Evolutionists Be Allowed to Roam Free in the Land?”. In the very next sentence the author cites a previous article he wrote, entitled “Should evolutionists be allowed to vote?”, once again leaning heavy on satirical absurdity. Apparently there were a few folks none to happy with his opinion and told him so. He uses the following statement to DEFEND himself against would be haters (typographical errors his, not mine):

“Hard-line evolutionists spend their entire life declaring Christians to be ignorant, crazy and, probably dangerous. But evolutionism is totally contrary to the empirical facts of science. Anyone truly believing evolution is either totally deluded or ignorant. Regarding who is really the dangerous group, in their unmitigated, and totally unjustified arrogance, evolutionists have caused more misery, and killed and tortured more people, in the last 90 years than all the wars of the last 2000 years.
“Thus, Evolutionist rhetoric, juxtaposed against the facts of science and history demonstrates that they are totally incompetent, in addition to being angry and dangerous. In a truly sane society, e.g., the one to be run by God, evolutionists, at a minimum, would not be allowed to vote.”

By this point I was fairly convinced that this wasn’t some fake rag posted on the net to poke fun at fundies. It’s still dippy with hints of sarcasm but the crazy seeped in way too fast. Resisting the urge to write this guy and ask him why there would even be a need for elections in a society controlled by god (who’s he run against? baal? santa? zeus? what’s his platform? are the voting machines rigged?) I trudged fourth.

He goes on to say slavery and communist regimes are the direct result evolutionary science, spouts more crazy (“Evolutionism is the apologetic system of the end time religion. It will not be eradicated. Well, not until the antichrist kills all of them in order to promote and make way for, worship of himself.”) blames Muslims for the coming of the anti-jeeubs, Godwin’s himself, makes another connection to communisim (“…atheist, evolutionist, Joe Stalin.”) and THEN the really crazy shit starts to flow. I won’t put any of the following section, entitled “Why Are Evolutionists Typically Socialists?”, here. It’s not the same breed of idiocy we’ve seen in this form before, far from it, but what follows that is even more absurd.

He reaches the point of his essay, stating that “evolutionists should not be allowed to roam free in the land” based on the following (again, verbatim):

Evolutionists are largely incompetent

They are largely unproductive leaches on the productive
members of society, else they are totally destructive.

Where they have achieved, or even sought, political power
they have virtually always been extremely dangerous to any
opponents of their religion, even while pretending they do
not have a religion, or pretending they are Christian.


They make it perfectly clear that they are at war and intend
to remain at war with Christians and any other opponents of
their religion.

Even where they have not achieved the power that their
philosophical cousins (communists and Nazis) held, if you
pay attention, they tend to make it clear that they believe
Christians, and any other opponents of their faith, ought to
be eliminated.

Any chance of this being satire has gone right out the window. He’s firmly in the ‘serious’ category but, even with all this, has yet to lap himself into a realm which words cannot describe. Having decided that “evolutionists” aren’t fit to share the same soil, he’s come up with some possible solutions for disposing of his new-found enemy. You’ll have to read it yourself for the full list but my two favorites are as follows:

Labor camps. Their fellow believers were high on these. But, my position would be that most of them have lived their lives at, or near the public trough. So, after their own beliefs, their life should continue only as long as they can support themselves in the camps.

Annnnd who’s the fascist now!? “Heya, pot? Yeah, it’s kettle…you’re black and I’m a vacuous, lying d-bag.” Being as he said all the ‘evos’ are going to be killed by muslims anyway right? Why bother?

An Evolutionist Colony in Antarctica could be a promising option. Of course inspections would be required to prevent too much progress. They might invent gunpowder. A colony on Mars would prevent gunpowder from harming anyone but their own kind, in the unlikely event they turned out to be intelligent enough to invent it.

YES! You build the ship and the colony and I’ll gladly hop on the first flight right the heck off this place so you and your ilk and further destory yourselves without bringing me down. Antartica would be fine too, I already live in a mostly frozen place as is and penguins are awesome. I’ve no clue where anyone would get sulfur, potassium nitrate or charcoal from ice, penguins or seals, much less a way to really put it to use…but whatever, I’ll still go.

So, a Poe this clearly isn’t, in my humble opinion. Tom Willis and the CSA, welcome to the dark side.

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